Quick Education!!

So here are the things I've learned over the years in no particular order.....

1. A child wants privacy, when he sees fit.

2. He doesn't give 2 hoots about your privacy

3. Choking sounds doesn't always mean choking!!

4. They want to get on the toilet when THEY want to.

5. They also will only get off when THEY want to.

6. Saying boo boo to you and pointing to it doesn't always mean he got hurt

7. You still have to kiss it.

8. When he calls you to get him off the toilet you should go, the calling gets louder.

9. Once you get there he will laugh and pick up another book to "read" and stay on the toilet.

10. Once you turn and go the calling starts all over again.

11. You will get kissed by your son much more than you ever do by your Husband!!

12. Your face always has something sticky on the side after every kiss.

13. There will be a lot of toys to pick up.

14. Don't bother till nap time to pick them up, otherwise as soon as you are done picking it up, your child has already thrown them back in the spot they were in.

15. After he wakes up, you will have to do it all over again after he goes to bed.

16. Make him do most of it, before he goes to bed, it tires him out more and there's less for you to do.

17. The TV will have loads of hand prints on them (this includes glass tables and windows and glass in the door), that you will have to clean daily

18. Just remember once you clean it and feel you accomplished something, they will be back in full force later that day.

19. The Krabby Patty station toy has a lot of fries

20. Those fries hurt like a @#$@#$ when you step on them in the middle of the night.

21. If you make one noise he finds funny, you'll be making that noise for the next long long long long 30min.

22. Don't let them EVER see how you plug in ANYTHING, they see it once and it's ingrained!!

23. He will get adamant he wants a certain thing to eat or drink, and that's what he has to have.

24. Once he gets it he doesn't want it anymore.

25. Leave it right there in front of him!!! He will get hungry and thirsty soon enough

26. Never let him see you laugh if he does something stupid and falls, because then you've just started a recurring game!!

27. When he calls you, he doesn't necessarily want you there, he just wants to see how many times you will actually come.

28. You can't not go for the calling gets louder and louder!! (same as toilet fiasco)

29. No matter how late you put him to bed 05:30 is still his wake up time!!!

30. He will want to "talk" to every person he walks in to (but the words coming out make no sense to anyone), and the people looking very uncomfortable as it carries on, feeling like they are suppose to understand him or be doing something and look to you for help.

31. Let them suffer, it's the best break and laugh you had all day.

32. Never say "Daddy" if he's not walking in or on his way home, he will keep calling for him over and over, regardless of how many times you tell him that Daddy is at work and won't be home for a long time.

33. He will be walking happily and then just decide to sit down and won't get up, so you have to call and call, or go and get him. (Happens A LOT)

34. Don't bother just keep walking far enough that he can't see you and he will come running.

35. Once he realizes that the straw in his drink cup comes out, that's all that he will keep doing, so you have to keep looking over otherwise you spend half the day looking for the damn spring that's suppose to be on the straw.

36. Once he realizes how to put on his own shoes he will wear them 24/7

37. It hurts when he steps on your toes!!

38. Once he learns to lock his bedroom door, don't try to open it just knock and he lets you in with a huge smile on his face.

39. Once he starts opening and closing a door, don't let it pass 3 opens and closes, because it will get louder and will carry on for a VERY VERY longtime!!!

40. He is never too young to start the "pretend I was sleeping why are you coming into my room and switching the light on game" When you clearly heard him playing while he was suppose to nap!!

41. Once he figures out how to turn the volume up or down, this will happen a lot and his favorite volume level is - wall vibration

42. Leather is the only way to go in the means of furniture, spit, drool and everything else just doesn't come out of the "material" furniture.

43. You cellphone should be on key lock at all times

44. The house phone needs to be way out of reach, also the phone key volume needs to be extremely loud so you can hear once he gets hold of the out-of-reach phone.

45. Don't forget to tell anyone whose house you go into as well, every time you get there!!

46. Make sure your wallet is packed away too, otherwise you find your cards splayed all over his room!!!

47. Don't forget to mention this too others as well, otherwise it's a horrible hunt

48. If you can't find your keys, he hid it under the couch.

49. The counter is not considered an out of reach zone!!

50. Turn down the volume of everything before you go to bed!! (you'll be glad the next morning when he gets up at 05:30)